By Tequila Cheatham McCray
Question #1: How much do you value the truth? Oh really? Question #2: When was the last time you lied about something? Now, go back and ask yourself question number one again. Let’s be honest: We all have lied at some point or another for whatever reasons. Maybe if you told your spouse you cheated last year, there is a strong possibility that he/she would end up leaving you; Your children may tell a story about not writing on the wall because they are afraid you would be mad and put them on punishment; Maybe you told your mother you don’t have money to lend her this week even though you just got paid but you don’t want to contribute to her alcohol problems. No matter the case, people lie for many different reasons.
- They are afraid to disappoint their loved one. Have you ever heard of the phrase, “I lie to you because I care about your feelings?” What? It doesn’t make sense when it I said aloud but what they may really be saying is they don’t want to disappoint you for doing something they wanted to do in which you happen to be against.
- They are narcissists. They only care about their own personal gain. They do it to boost their careers and to make themselves look good. They could care less about your feelings, and they are very weak self-esteem issues. Someone who has confidence in themselves will not be afraid to tell you the truth, and they won’t wait for you to ask. They are be forthright and be willing to “suffer the consequences” of their actions and to continue to work on their behavior. Let’s face it, no one is perfect but, narcissism is a personality disorder that can only be helped by medical professionals and a humbling experience.
- They don’t respect you or themselves. Honestly, a person who respects you would not lie to your face. They are taking your presence for granted. If someone truly honors your presence in their lives, they will do whatever it is necessary to make sure you stay, not cause you to be insecure and run you away. If that person knows how valuable you are and how much you add to their lives, they wouldn’t even disrespect self in that capacity because it shows self-hate. If one loves self, they’d be honest with self. This goes back to self-identity, and self-esteem; and, if they truly love self, they’d know what it means to love you. Love is not blatantly rude.
- They want to cover their mistakes. Sometimes, people do make genuine mistakes. To avoid being judged by others, they’d rather lie and hope to still keep their reputation intact. So, in essence, they are lying because they are protecting themselves from harsh critic from outsiders who may or may not understand. No one likes being misunderstood.
- You tolerate the lies. You thought this was just about them? Oh no, no,no, this is definitely about you too. You contribute to the string of lies that are being told to you. They know you are going to stay, take them back, or forgive them so they continue to tell half-truths, white lies, and cover up parts of the story because they can get away with it each and every time.
It’s time to change the way we use words. Honesty has become a heavy word that not everyone knows how to use because of…fear. That’s what it all boils down to: being afraid the truth may or may not set them free. If you simply lead by example by being straight forward in a tender way, it may ring the alarm for the person who’s on the other end but at least you came clean. You have the power to change the trajectory of how the world creates relationships. By laying a foundation of honesty, you will build trust. You are so quick to place value in areas that you cannot hold up yourself which is unfair, unrealistic, and wrong. Hold yourself accountable first, so we can do so with those around us.